Clearing my mind

First published January 17, 2018 (Slightly edited 6/2020)

Today's purpose was clearing my mind.

I started writing last summer, though I never really thought of myself as a writer, and I still don't, I found it interesting and a really good way to clear my mind.

I never had a diary or a journal, but I understand the benefits of that now.

Getting out anything and putting it down on paper, or on a laptop, gets it out of my head so I can stop dwelling on it. As soon as I am done, all of those thoughts just move on, and most times that is so freeing, especially when they are heavy thoughts.

So, today I wrote about some thoughts I have been having about the idea that we are not our bodies. So here it is.....

We are not our bodies. I keep hearing this a lot lately and even though I agree, I feel like by saying that, we are missing a connection. We are missing, or maybe ignoring a great part of who we are.

I've been thinking a lot about the question "who am I"? If I am not my body, then what am I?

My body identifies me as a female, thus making me a daughter, a sister and a woman. But if I am not my body, how can I be those things? My human body does photography, paints and takes care of others in turn for the things my body needs to survive, but if I am not my body, who is doing those things and why? I'd like to tell a woman during childbirth that she is not her body, let’s see her opinion on that one. lol

We cannot ignore that our bodies have needs, and that everyone's body is different.

I may not be my body, in the sense of it not mattering what I look like, and not identifying with it, but how my body feels, does matter. The food I eat, the rest I give it, the shower I cleanse it in, the love I surround it with, the people I allow near it, that all matters. The way my body feels, is a sign of what is happening on the inside. On the soul level perhaps?

I hear that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, but I also hear that we are humans having a spiritual experience. So, which is it?

I think it is both. I think we ARE both, and we have to remember and pay attention to both. How can our soul learn and grow if our human body doesn’t live, love, succeed, and fail? And how can our human side evolve if we do not learn to connect with our soul and be more in touch with the universe?

It is a partnership. It's a dance. And both are equally important.

I believe that as souls, we have different depths of consciousness, just as our human consciousness has different levels of awareness. If all souls were evolved to the highest level, then why would they need to come to earth? Why the hell would they even want to take human form?

Our souls are here to learn through our bodies, to feel what our bodies feel, to experience what our bodies go through.

What about our emotional bodies?

Talking with a friend today, the thought about needing approval came up. We talked about how we might be sharing ourselves with the wrong intention behind the reason why we are sharing. Is it because we are seeking approval, acceptance or the feeling of belonging?

MY response to that was similar to a blog post I just did.

I think we all need those things and I think that is ok, as long as they are coming from a place of wholeness and not a place of neediness. I think we are aware enough to look at our intentions deep enough to get the real reason why. The word desire came up, in a way that suggested that desire is not good. And maybe some forms of it are unhealthy, but I think without human desire, and passion, and needs, we would all just be ok sitting at home alone meditating our life away. Both our human and soul parts have needs, passions and desires, and when the two work together, then how can anything not good come from that? When both are aware of the other, then there can be open communication and understanding.

We all have that thing about us that says "look at me, see me"! Our human role needs to be seen, heard and felt. Is that bad? I don't think so. That's human. Does that lessen as we connect more to our souls, yes, I think so. But I do not think it ever goes away.

Ask yourself this.... If everything and everyone were to walk away from me, if I never received any more feedback from my posts, videos and online work, and if no one ever needed my help again.... would I be 100% ok? If I were totally alone, no friends, no family, no nothing, would I be OK? If I had no work, no purpose and only survival, would I be OK? I'm not sure anyone can honestly answer yes to that.

It is in our DNA, our energy, our being and our souls to be and live with others. Even in nature, they have prides, and packs and live in herds. Even those species that live alone, they eventually come together for a little loving. Ok, let's be real, they are only breeding to keep their species alive, but you get my point. We need each other and that's that.

When I was younger, I was worried I would never find love because I was overweight. What guy was going to like me? Who is going to want to look at this body when even I don't want to?

Society brainwashed us well into believing we have to be a certain way to be loved and accepted.

It wasn't until a few older male friends really fell in love with who I am on the inside. Even though they told me all of the time how beautiful I was, and they always playfully and harmlessly flirted with me, they taught me to see that the beautiful woman inside mattered more, and that aware men do not care about the package you come in. This was a time in my life when I needed this kind of attention. It helped me to grow as a human and as a soul.

Sometimes in life, we all are needy, and we need the acceptance of others to help us learn to accept ourselves. So, I think it is ok to reach out sometimes for that. Even if its to help remind us of what we really already know deep down.

That makes me think about the different needs we all have. I think there are three kinds. There is the basic human need and care that a baby needs, or someone who is ill or whose body is now aged. That's a great need we all have at some point in our lives.

Then we have the need that comes from low self esteem, and little self love. This can turn us codependent,and cause us to have a lack of self-worth. This need will have us reaching out in all of the wrong places, just for a little human attention or affection, or approval. In the end, this only hurts us more because it is only temporary, and it is coming from a place of self-lack.

Then we have the need where I think the human body and soul come together for a deeper need. The need we all have for true deep connection. That real authentic-ness that arises when we become truly self aware. I think this need for connection may be different for everyone. Maybe the duo (soul and body) needs to go hug a tree and be in nature. Maybe they need connection with another and they create a life together. Maybe they need to go live 'alone' together in the middle of nowhere to become more connected. Maybe they need to go out into the world and make a difference. Whatever it is, we need to start with self connection, and from there, we can more easily connect with others and the world around us.

Then we have the mind. Is the mind the EGO? I hear people say that the EGO is bad and we have to learn to silence it. But it too serves its purpose. We as humans and souls need to learn to work with it, to coexist alongside it. We can learn a great deal from the EGO if we are aware enough to listen to it and thank it for its feedback and the growth it gives us, but NOT be sucked into its unconsciousness and fear-based allusions.

The EGO is not evil. However, for a lack of a better term, it does play devil's advocate. Giving us a sounding board to play with, even if that board keeps taking us out at the knees. It's making us stronger, and it's helping us to tune in more to that little voice within that tries so hard to get through to us, pushing its way past the EGO hoping we hear it. Let's call it 'sparky', cause it’s like a spark from a fire that can create another fire.

Sparky, what is it? Is it our soul? Is it the universe? Is it God? Doesn't matter to me, all that matters is that I try to listen to sparky more. Love it, allow it, open up to it. I feel it is the pathway to connecting more with our souls and the universe.

Wholly crap, we are complex and complicated. Always growing, always changing, and it is pretty damn cool. There are no right or wrong answers. I sometimes wonder if we are on a large reality show, filled with different stories, all for the pure entertainment of the universe. Like a bad crossover episode of the Twilight Zone and the Body Snatchers. Well universe, enjoy the show!!!