Forgiveness

First posted 2017 Updated 7/2020

Talking to a friend earlier this year and listening to them openly share some deep down truths about how they feel about themselves and their past, I started to hear how hard they were being on themselves. After the conversation was over, I wanted to share my compassion and also my feelings and thoughts about how forgiving themselves may help them. So, I started writing. While writing all of this good stuff, I started to cry. What?! What is happening right now?! Then it hit me!! CRAP!!! This was not for them at all, this was a message for myself. My writing turned from information about forgiveness, to how I, just then, realized that I needed to do forgive myself, and I did. And here is that light bulb moment.

I always see mems that say, "forgive others, not for them but for yourself". But what about forgiving yourself?

I've felt many times that I've messed up my life. I made wrong turns, and not so great choices, or more so, the lack of any kind of choice for that matter. Sure, knowing what I know now I would do things differently, but what's the point in that? I can't go back. I can't redo any of it. None of us can.

So why do we allow the past to stop us from going after what we want and need NOW? If we know better now, then we do better, right? (not always) If we are still doing the same old thing, then we didn't learn from our past. If history teaches us anything, it's to do it differently next time, not to never do it again, but to keep going. It's hard. I know all too well how hard it is. Seems lately I've failed at every turn I've made in the last five years. Given all I have and then some. Only to feel like I am worse off, and maybe financially I am, but I am also wiser than I was last month, stronger than I was last week, braver than I was yesterday and just as hopeful as always for tomorrow.

I've been told a few times that I have tenacity, and I do! I may get down sometimes, but I get up faster and faster each time I fall. That is how we learn. Since we were babies, we kept getting up, we never stopped working at it.

You too can forgive your yesterday self, so that your tomorrow self can do better, or be more. You may have to do that everyday, but you are worthy of it. You are worthy of forgiveness. You are worth loving yourself by forgiving yourself. You owe it to yourself to let it go, like a caged bird yearning for freedom. Feel the hurt, the pain, the anger, the sadness, the fear, and let it be, then trade it in for something worth fighting for. LOVE. LAUGHTER. FRIENDSHIP. And possibilities.

Today, I forgive myself for all that I wish I could have done and didn't. I forgive myself for all that I didn't say. I forgive my younger self for not knowing more, because I didn't know then what I know now......how could I have? I forgive myself for not pushing myself out of my comfort-zone sooner. I forgive myself for not taking chances. I forgive myself for not losing the weight when I had more energy. I forgive myself for not speaking up for myself. I forgive myself for being so shy that it held me back socially. I forgive myself for being prudish when there was no need to be so. I forgive myself for the late start in life. I forgive the past, I fully let go of it all, and I only take with me the lessons and experiences I have gained from all of it.

I love the deeper self-awareness that I am so blessed to have now. Better late than never they say. And that is the beauty of life, we can change and be different in a matter of minutes. We can grow and learn to be more. It is never too late to be the soul you feel is bursting out of your heart. There is NOTHING we cannot change, if we really want to.

Our past is our history, and our history belongs in the past. Take only the lessons you've learned, and leave the rest behind.

Andrea M. Savelo 2017